I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
