You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
