I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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