worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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