a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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