So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
