I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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