Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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