Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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