brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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