I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize