You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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