I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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