Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
