If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
