You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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