New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
