should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize