Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
