4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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