I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
