Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
