uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
