shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
