You're so nebulous sometimes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize