Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
