have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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