so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i think my cat just said my name.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize