I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
