you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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