I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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