Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
