dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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