your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
