she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
