your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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