I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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