Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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