just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
