i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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