i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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