I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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