If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
