please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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