And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boobs speak an international language.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
