I just saw a hot homeless man
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
