P.S. I can't hear my feet
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
