my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
