Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
