This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
