At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
