I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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