Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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