Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
