so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
