Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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