I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
