What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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