I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
