Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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