I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
