If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
