well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
