my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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