I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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