Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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