my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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