just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
