I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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