i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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