I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
