His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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