That's when you crack a 10am beer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
