Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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