just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
