Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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