She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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