Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
