I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
