i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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