If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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