No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
